Diva

A milestone for her

Ivy slept without her bottle for the first time last night. 27 months is all it took... and a sippy cup with cold water with ice, just like her big sister.

Seattle... guess the year

This train bridge (at the Lock & Dam) had such strong lines, and the reflections in the water got me feeling all artsy. I love how this photo could have been taken 50 years ago or more.

Still here

A dear friend of mine just discovered that I actually have a blog, although I had to qualify that with the statement of how often I publish anything... and so I checked-in, realizing it's been over a year. Not intentional at all-had no idea I was that much of a slacker.

I have so much going on in my heart and my head these days... it's so much that I really feel as if I am going to burst or break down or just lose it all. I am an incredibly blessed person and my biggest fear is losing it all. I need to compartmentalize my thoughts and feelings... like I can only feel certain things on certain days because it is all just too much to try and do at once... but also I cannot let go of anything that I have. Losing any of it would be much worse than having a crazy life.

The new nanny is working out great-her name's Kristina and I kind of love her right now. She's keeping me a bit sane as my house is falling apart around me. Dishwasher is broken. Panel from the drawer from the dresser we have in the bathroom pulled off. Washer isn't spinning clothes well. Oven isn't working. But Blake fixed the toilet! One thing at a time I guess. Oh, and we got crazy and ripped all of the beadboard off of the bathroom walls and now it is a mess and crazy.

Icky cold and snow isn't melting. Driving me nuts.

Trip last week to Seattle... beyond words. I seriously love it there. Just played around with some photos I took--not bad for my camera phone.

written last week:

Greetings from sunny, yes SUNNY Seattle. As in so sunny, that I just had to move my laptop to a table that is not in the sun (at coffee shop--big surprise, right?). It was sunny yesterday when I got here, too. 60 degrees today! Tomorrow should rain until I leave, but it's awesome for now.

Have I mentioned lately how much I love the Pacific Northwest? Like love, love, love. I had some wine last night that almost made me cry, it was so damn good.

Still waiting to hear how we came out on the benefit... really wondering how much we raised. Hoping that it's around $30K. Isn't that insane? You know what is so freaking cool? All of my cousins were there--from BOTH sides of my family. The only one who couldn't come was my cousin Patrick who lives upstate here, and instead he sent $5K (he's the one who's crazy rich). I mean, just amazing. And then my cousin Melissa won the barrel of booze, and she donated it back & we auctioned it off, raising another $900.00. I was bawling by the end of it--it was just amazingly beautiful to see so many people be so generous. My uncle sure is loved... I hope he walked away with that love surrounding him... he needs every bit of it for this fight.

and later:

Oh my dear wonderful gracious heavenly whoever--we raised $42,000 for my uncle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Someone once said, "There are years that ask questions, and there are years that answer." This is an answer year for me. For sure. I am learning of what I am made, learning of what I am capable of doing, and continually being surprised along the way. I am both so much weaker and stronger than I ever knew. Where I thought my naivete had waned, I realize I am as immature as ever.

I now am more creative, though. I don't know if that comes after 38 years of being fed up with other people's crap, or if it just means that I finally have some confidence in my own art. (Probably both.)

News worthy: have an appointment for breast reduction consultation in one week.

I even uploaded movies onto my ipod

All righty all righty all right. I'm here. Apparently all that I'm getting done today is some computer time--Ivy's the only one who's even dressed and it's going on 11:00. On the up side, I have reconnected with my friend Nathan (from high school and beyond, but lost touch in about '95) and am so happy!!!! He doesn't facebook though, so it's a lot of emailing. Super awesome to find him and talk--he and I were super super close and I have really missed him a ton.
Portland in the a.m. I am so freaking excited, you just don't even know. I haven't traveled by myself in ages--not since working for Zutopia, so that is way before Cedar was even a consideration. I am almost packed, and my suitcase is kinda funny-it's got a rain jacket, hiking boots, summery skirt, tank tops, and all kinds of other strange combinations because the weather there is like here lately--cold & rainy one day, warm & sunny the next. I think we (Alison & I) are going to drive to the coast one day, and we have a bunch of wine tasting planned. Other than that, we're playing it by ear and are just going to run around the city and have fun. Oh, and sleep in and get drunk and all that good stuff. I CANNOT WAIT. I seriously need a break from my kids and my husband. I could not love them any more than I do but dear lord everyone needs a break sometimes. Blake will get to go to Jacobson the weekend after I'm back, so he'll get a break too (and I'm going to send him off camping w the boys for a weekend, too). I am just excited to be a girl/woman for a few days and not be seen as someone's wife or mother. My identity is kind of... lacking these days, and I need to kind of remember who I am--not in relation to anyone else.
Guys, we only get ONE life to live. Just ONE. Yeah, I'm going to miss them, but I can't wait to miss them.

Ivy is everywhere. She is upstairs like every 5 minutes (has figured out the gate, too). Cedar has voluntarily used the toilet all day so far (she missed a little last time, but really tried). I hope and pray this means she is ready to give up the pull-ups. We seriously need the money.

I just got an offer to interview for a job at the Mohegan Sun casino (retail mgmt) in Conneticut. I'm not going to, but kind of neat.


Current unemployment extension until July 3rd, and pretty sure I'll get one more after that for another 13 weeks. That's probably it, then. I need to work on my resume, I guess. Ick.

OK, so much to do and less than 24 hours to do it all.

Can't make this shit up

I'm impatiently waiting for the results of my gluten sensitivity/celiac disease test. I should know within the next three days--it's just that it's already been over 3 weeks. I have been doing my anti-candida elimination diet since the 2nd week in January. I'm down around 15 pounds and hope to keep going for another 10 at least. My wedding rings fit back on last night. That was a big moment. I just want to know what's going on, so that I can meet w/my chiropractor, Dr. Josh, and come up with a gameplan and a list of what I can eat and what I can't.

Seriously, I just want my coffee w/ cream and sugar and some red wine back. I can handle almost anything else. I do miss me some Punch Pizza, too.

Its been 4 months or so since I've written. Don't know what to say about that. Health care bill passed the House last night. Now for the Senate & then Pres. Obama to sign. HOORAY.

Blake took Cedar to Dunn Brothers' on Saturday morning, to give me a little break. He wore his NRA hat into the coffeeshop--the one right by Macalester. Funny.

Still on unemployment. Yep.

Ivy's in the throes of a major cold/yuck/illness. She had a chest x-ray taken last week, and she either has some bronchitis or asthma going on. We're doing the nebulizer treatment twice a day, which is going OK. The first few times she threw a fit, but now she knows it's time that she gets to be snuggled and held. Such good kid. Even if she did keep me up most of last night and now I'm seriously dragging.

Cedar is in a major naughty streak. Twice this weekend she had to be flung over Blake's shoulder, crying and screaming as she was made to leave a store. A few weeks ago, she painted herself, the coffee table, and half the living room with a container off greek yogurt. Her favorite foods right now are fortune cookies and gum. And she prefers "cold water with ice" to drink.

Ivy is saying "What's this/that?" and walking/climbing everywhere. Fearless, this kid is. She loves standing on the arms of the leather chairs so that she can see out the windows. She also says "Hi" about 50 times a day. She's got a confirmed case of eczema, with a bad patch on her cheek. We're working on keeping it under control.

Blake is working a million hours of overtime. It's been nice for the checking account, but we miss him. He and I tried to have some quality time together last night, but Miss Ivy wasn't having any of it. Stinker.

Alison flies in on Thursday, so we can go see the Wilson brothers at the Pantages on Friday night. I am so excited to hang with her and see this show, oh man, I can't even say. I think she's going to spend the night here on Friday--which means I really need to get cleaning.

I just cut off a ton of hair and went back to blonde. So happy! Love Brentt at Moxie St. Paul!

Migraines should be illegal

I have a migraine to beat all. Today is one of those days where I do wish I had a real job, because then I could go home sick and have someone else watch my kids for me. I am not a great mother when these hit--I just can't be. Days like this are all about non-stop Hello Kitty movies and letting them be as messy as they want. I'm sitting here in sunglasses so that my eyes don't explode.

I am definitely in a funk again. I don't know what my deal is... it's been sunny and everything. I think the stress of all of it is finally starting to really get to me. We are so damn broke. No jobs on the horizon. I've actually gotten a few leads from LinkedIn, from a Women Venture group. Nothing great yet, but it's another good resource. I honestly don't know what I will do. I have a pretty good idea that it's going to be (ugh) retail.

I got interviewed today by the Pioneer Press on my shopping habits for Black Friday. Kind of funny--I follow one of their writers on Facebook, made a comment, and she sent me a message asking if she could interview me. I'll let you know if/when it gets published.

My head is pounding. I have the new kitty on my lap, though, so it helps a little.

I suppose I should do something with this day. My only saving grace is that there is a roast in the crock pot--as long as there is meat cooking, Blake will forgive me for anything.

How can life be so damn wonderful and so damn hard all at the same effing time? WHY??

Why do I have so many questions? Why is the Hello Kitty DVD stuck again? Where are Cedar's pants (no, not potty trained yet--totally regressed)?

One little year

So, my first post on here was one year ago, tomorrow. I guess I would have thought there would be more on here, but at least it's something.

Here's the news:

We have found our new kitty and are loving her. She's been with us a week, and is finally acclimating well. Gypsy, who's name was Menardie and was changed for obvious reasons, is 4 years old, adopted from the Woodbury Humane Society, and completely declawed. As in, she has NO claws in any of her paws. Poor thing, that seems so cruel. But she seems to get along just fine without them, and I don't have to really worry about scratches on me or the kids anymore. She got a bout of upper-respiratory infection in the shelter, but is on antibiotics and seems to have turned a corner and is on her way to health. Such a sweetie! She's a total snuggler and pretty vocal, too. Yay kitties. She and Hayward have had nothing to do with each other, which is just fine. I'd like it if they were friendly, but as long as there's no fighting I'm happy.

Ivy has a third tooth and acts as if she has a mouthful. Today she stole Cedar's pear and was going to town on it. She's babbling lots of new words: "dada," "UH-OH" (complete with throw-the-cup-on-the-floor-and-wait-for-mom-to-pick-it-up-game), "no," and is taking a try at "kitty." We had her baptized last month, which was a nice day with both sides of the family. We were even lucky enough to have Great Grandma Cora there!

Miss Cedar had her 3rd birthday. Poor kid, at the same time, Ivy and I had the H1N1 flu. We had a big party planned, I had all of the favors, the decorations, the food, and in the end we just celebrated at home with the 4 of us. Blake took her to Target & let her pick out her own cake and we ordered pizza. She told me it was the best party she ever went to... what a kid. Thank goodness she never really knew all that we had originally planned.

The girls are playing together more and more. It's so gratifying to see them enjoying each other--really reminds me of why it was so important for me to give Cedar a sibling. There are some days I think they're going to kill each other, but most of the time it's pretty friendly. That's normal, right? I remember wanting to kill Rebecca a lot of the time (sorry Bec, you wanted to beat me senseless, too) but now she's my best friend and we talk pretty much every day. I hope these two monkeys end up like us, too.

Sorry Bec, this is the most recent photo I have of us together. It's almost a year old, and it sucks. TIME FOR A NEW ONE.

Cowboy Blake

I love this guy so much. State Fair 2009

Two teeth