I have a migraine to beat all. Today is one of those days where I do wish I had a real job, because then I could go home sick and have someone else watch my kids for me. I am not a great mother when these hit--I just can't be. Days like this are all about non-stop Hello Kitty movies and letting them be as messy as they want. I'm sitting here in sunglasses so that my eyes don't explode.
I am definitely in a funk again. I don't know what my deal is... it's been sunny and everything. I think the stress of all of it is finally starting to really get to me. We are so damn broke. No jobs on the horizon. I've actually gotten a few leads from LinkedIn, from a Women Venture group. Nothing great yet, but it's another good resource. I honestly don't know what I will do. I have a pretty good idea that it's going to be (ugh) retail.
I got interviewed today by the Pioneer Press on my shopping habits for Black Friday. Kind of funny--I follow one of their writers on Facebook, made a comment, and she sent me a message asking if she could interview me. I'll let you know if/when it gets published.
My head is pounding. I have the new kitty on my lap, though, so it helps a little.
I suppose I should do something with this day. My only saving grace is that there is a roast in the crock pot--as long as there is meat cooking, Blake will forgive me for anything.
How can life be so damn wonderful and so damn hard all at the same effing time? WHY??
Why do I have so many questions? Why is the Hello Kitty DVD stuck again? Where are Cedar's pants (no, not potty trained yet--totally regressed)?
11.12.2009
10.22.2009
One little year
So, my first post on here was one year ago, tomorrow. I guess I would have thought there would be more on here, but at least it's something.
Here's the news:
We have found our new kitty and are loving her. She's been with us a week, and is finally acclimating well. Gypsy, who's name was Menardie and was changed for obvious reasons, is 4 years old, adopted from the Woodbury Humane Society, and completely declawed. As in, she has NO claws in any of her paws. Poor thing, that seems so cruel. But she seems to get along just fine without them, and I don't have to really worry about scratches on me or the kids anymore. She got a bout of upper-respiratory infection in the shelter, but is on antibiotics and seems to have turned a corner and is on her way to health. Such a sweetie! She's a total snuggler and pretty vocal, too. Yay kitties. She and Hayward have had nothing to do with each other, which is just fine. I'd like it if they were friendly, but as long as there's no fighting I'm happy.
Ivy has a third tooth and acts as if she has a mouthful. Today she stole Cedar's pear and was going to town on it. She's babbling lots of new words: "dada," "UH-OH" (complete with throw-the-cup-on-the-floor-and-wait-for-mom-to-pick-it-up-game), "no," and is taking a try at "kitty." We had her baptized last month, which was a nice day with both sides of the family. We were even lucky enough to have Great Grandma Cora there!
Miss Cedar had her 3rd birthday. Poor kid, at the same time, Ivy and I had the H1N1 flu. We had a big party planned, I had all of the favors, the decorations, the food, and in the end we just celebrated at home with the 4 of us. Blake took her to Target & let her pick out her own cake and we ordered pizza. She told me it was the best party she ever went to... what a kid. Thank goodness she never really knew all that we had originally planned.
The girls are playing together more and more. It's so gratifying to see them enjoying each other--really reminds me of why it was so important for me to give Cedar a sibling. There are some days I think they're going to kill each other, but most of the time it's pretty friendly. That's normal, right? I remember wanting to kill Rebecca a lot of the time (sorry Bec, you wanted to beat me senseless, too) but now she's my best friend and we talk pretty much every day. I hope these two monkeys end up like us, too.
Sorry Bec, this is the most recent photo I have of us together. It's almost a year old, and it sucks. TIME FOR A NEW ONE.
Sorry Bec, this is the most recent photo I have of us together. It's almost a year old, and it sucks. TIME FOR A NEW ONE.9.15.2009
9.14.2009
milestones
I've been procrastinating getting back on here. I know. But, well, you can imagine what happened with Gloria. It was not good news. My dear friend Nancy and her son Ellis met me at the Kitty Klinic while she had her surgery. Thank God they were there--it couldn't have been easy for nancy to do that, but it kept my mind occupied and kept me from losing it. The doc came out after a short while, and let me know that there was nothing they could do--things had progressed very rapidly, and it was best to let her go. (There was no larvae.) It was extremely surreal to walk in to the clinic with my cat in her carrier, be petting her, then hand her off, and never see her alive again. It was a long, long day, and I'm glad it has passed. She's buried at my parents' house... they live on several acres in the woods, on land that has been in our family for 6 (?) generations.
Yes, I miss her like crazy. I think that I see her out of the corner of my eyes at least once per day. Most days Cedar asks about her, wants to see her, and sometimes is angry or very sad. It's been the hardest part of all of this.
We all miss her like crazy.
In other news, Ivy is on the move. In the last few weeks, she has gone from a rolling baby to now a full-on crawling baby, a pull-herself-up baby, and sometimes a standing-with-just-one arm-hanging-on-baby. She's trying to climb on shelves, etc. and is so proud of herself for every little accompishment. At the same time, she's much more vocal, babbling in this adorable Ivy-speak and saying a whole lot of mamamamamamas. She got her second tooth last week, too.
Today is a huge day, as both girls had their first official day of "school." We started an ECFE class together, and it went so well. Neither of them were scared or had any problems, and you could just tell how excited each of them were to be around all of the kids, the toys, the colors.... Even though I was just in the next room, I was definitely nervous and felt TONS of anxiety toward the end of the class--I just couldn't wait to see them again and hear how it all went. And of course, it went just great. When I walked out of the "mommy" room, all of the pre-schoolers were lined up on a bench outside, and as soon as Cedar saw me she gave me the hugest smile and "MOMMY!" It was precious and a moment I will always remember. Ivy, of course, couldn't have cared less.
Now if Miss Cedar can get this pooping and pottying under control, she can go to real pre-school, too. She knows this, but is still resisting a lot. Bribes help, but she just can't seem to grasp the concept of every time, always, NO MORE PULL-UPS or DIAPERS. I cannot wait. The diaper bag weighs a TON with Ivy's diapers, Cedar's pull-ups, spare clothes for each of them, THE STUPID FREAKING SESAME STREET TRAVEL POTTY CHAIR SEAT, and all of the rest of the crap (namely suckers and other stuff to shut up as needed).
Blake's idea of the day--get an old blender at the Goodwill, and use it for composting in the kitchen. Blend up the scraps to make composting go faster.
Tonight I get to go to school, too!!! I'm taking a 6 week weight and wellness course. We'll see what new obsessions the family is going to have to endure... I'm sure there will be several.
Yes, I miss her like crazy. I think that I see her out of the corner of my eyes at least once per day. Most days Cedar asks about her, wants to see her, and sometimes is angry or very sad. It's been the hardest part of all of this.
We all miss her like crazy.
In other news, Ivy is on the move. In the last few weeks, she has gone from a rolling baby to now a full-on crawling baby, a pull-herself-up baby, and sometimes a standing-with-just-one arm-hanging-on-baby. She's trying to climb on shelves, etc. and is so proud of herself for every little accompishment. At the same time, she's much more vocal, babbling in this adorable Ivy-speak and saying a whole lot of mamamamamamas. She got her second tooth last week, too.
Today is a huge day, as both girls had their first official day of "school." We started an ECFE class together, and it went so well. Neither of them were scared or had any problems, and you could just tell how excited each of them were to be around all of the kids, the toys, the colors.... Even though I was just in the next room, I was definitely nervous and felt TONS of anxiety toward the end of the class--I just couldn't wait to see them again and hear how it all went. And of course, it went just great. When I walked out of the "mommy" room, all of the pre-schoolers were lined up on a bench outside, and as soon as Cedar saw me she gave me the hugest smile and "MOMMY!" It was precious and a moment I will always remember. Ivy, of course, couldn't have cared less.
Now if Miss Cedar can get this pooping and pottying under control, she can go to real pre-school, too. She knows this, but is still resisting a lot. Bribes help, but she just can't seem to grasp the concept of every time, always, NO MORE PULL-UPS or DIAPERS. I cannot wait. The diaper bag weighs a TON with Ivy's diapers, Cedar's pull-ups, spare clothes for each of them, THE STUPID FREAKING SESAME STREET TRAVEL POTTY CHAIR SEAT, and all of the rest of the crap (namely suckers and other stuff to shut up as needed).
Blake's idea of the day--get an old blender at the Goodwill, and use it for composting in the kitchen. Blend up the scraps to make composting go faster.
Tonight I get to go to school, too!!! I'm taking a 6 week weight and wellness course. We'll see what new obsessions the family is going to have to endure... I'm sure there will be several.
8.18.2009
do you believe in miracles?
OK, so here's even more drama to the story!
So, we first took her to the Kitty Klinic in Uptown, and after that, they referred us to the U. After all of the expenses there, the drs at the U told me the euthanasia would be much cheaper at the KK. So, I call them this morning to make the appt for this evening, and they are weird and tell me that they have to call me back to let me know if they can schedule that kind of appointment. Weird, right? So I wait like 3 hours for the vet to call, and when he does, he has all of these questions about her condition, etc. and tells me that he thinks it could be some larvae in her that can mimic this other thing. (!!!!) He says he thinks it's worth a shot at exploratory surgery to see what's up. I tell him that I'm not interested, don't want to prolong her suffering, and have exhausted all of our $$$ resources. THEN he says that he will waive the fee for the surgery. He says he gives it a 50/50 chance and will call a surgeon friend to do it. (WTF??!?) In disbelief, I agree, and he says he'll call me back to let me know when it can get done.
So, I am all skeptical and call her Dr. at the U, asking if this guy is nuts and delusional. That Dr. tells me she'll confer with some of her colleagues and get back to me AND that she'll call the KK doctor to talk to him, too. She then calls me back, says that it's worth a try, but to not get my hopes up. She thinks he's most likely wrong, but that it won't cause her any more distress.
So, tomorrow at 8:00 am, she's going to have the surgery. If she has this larvae thing (seriously, how gross!!), they will remove it and treat her. If she does not, then they will just give her more anesthesia to let her pass on.
Right now she's sleeping in the girls' closet. I just gave her some love and she was purring it up.
I don't even know what to think. He said he had a case like this a month ago, and they were able to save the cat. But the Dr. at the U was uber skeptical.
I'm not kidding myself, but hey, a miracle would be pretty dang cool right about now.
So, we first took her to the Kitty Klinic in Uptown, and after that, they referred us to the U. After all of the expenses there, the drs at the U told me the euthanasia would be much cheaper at the KK. So, I call them this morning to make the appt for this evening, and they are weird and tell me that they have to call me back to let me know if they can schedule that kind of appointment. Weird, right? So I wait like 3 hours for the vet to call, and when he does, he has all of these questions about her condition, etc. and tells me that he thinks it could be some larvae in her that can mimic this other thing. (!!!!) He says he thinks it's worth a shot at exploratory surgery to see what's up. I tell him that I'm not interested, don't want to prolong her suffering, and have exhausted all of our $$$ resources. THEN he says that he will waive the fee for the surgery. He says he gives it a 50/50 chance and will call a surgeon friend to do it. (WTF??!?) In disbelief, I agree, and he says he'll call me back to let me know when it can get done.
So, I am all skeptical and call her Dr. at the U, asking if this guy is nuts and delusional. That Dr. tells me she'll confer with some of her colleagues and get back to me AND that she'll call the KK doctor to talk to him, too. She then calls me back, says that it's worth a try, but to not get my hopes up. She thinks he's most likely wrong, but that it won't cause her any more distress.
So, tomorrow at 8:00 am, she's going to have the surgery. If she has this larvae thing (seriously, how gross!!), they will remove it and treat her. If she does not, then they will just give her more anesthesia to let her pass on.
Right now she's sleeping in the girls' closet. I just gave her some love and she was purring it up.
I don't even know what to think. He said he had a case like this a month ago, and they were able to save the cat. But the Dr. at the U was uber skeptical.
I'm not kidding myself, but hey, a miracle would be pretty dang cool right about now.
dark day
I write this with such a heavy heart. Today is Gloria's last day with us. We went to the U again yesterday, and she had another ultrasound and they took a bunch of cell samples from her organs. She has massive masses all over. Looks like she has something called hyper eosinophilic syndrome. It is basically just like a cancer, but not a cancer, so treatment is not really an option. It's very rare, unknown what causes it, and is a rapid progression of a bunch of abnormal cells attacking her organs. They gave us some painkillers and sent us home, to allow her to spend her time in more comfort with us. She is not a happy kitty, basically terrified if I try to give her any meds (which she has no more tolerance for and just spits, claws me, etc.) and is just hiding under our bed. Last night she made two awful messes just outside of the litterbox on the floor. My arms, chest, and hands are covered in scratches.
Needless to say, I am a total mess--drank close to a whole bottle of wine by myself last night (I was not alone, Blake was just drinking beer) and will probably do the same tonight. I just called the Kitty Klinic to schedule the appointment, and am waiting for them to call me back. Blake and I will go in together, and my mom will watch the girls. After that, I want to take her up to my parent's house and lay her to rest with Sophie and all of the other pets who have passed.
I keep going up to visit her, but she doesn't really want any attention.
I'm just so sad right now... mostly that the girls won't even remember her. She's been a huge part of Cedar's life, since we got her only 2 months before she was born. And the sweet kitten is only 3 years old.
The only ONLY silver lining I can find is that I got these 3 great years with her, and that I'm so grateful my other girls are so healthy and happy.
Say a prayer if you have it in you.
Needless to say, I am a total mess--drank close to a whole bottle of wine by myself last night (I was not alone, Blake was just drinking beer) and will probably do the same tonight. I just called the Kitty Klinic to schedule the appointment, and am waiting for them to call me back. Blake and I will go in together, and my mom will watch the girls. After that, I want to take her up to my parent's house and lay her to rest with Sophie and all of the other pets who have passed.
I keep going up to visit her, but she doesn't really want any attention.
I'm just so sad right now... mostly that the girls won't even remember her. She's been a huge part of Cedar's life, since we got her only 2 months before she was born. And the sweet kitten is only 3 years old.
The only ONLY silver lining I can find is that I got these 3 great years with her, and that I'm so grateful my other girls are so healthy and happy.
Say a prayer if you have it in you.
8.14.2009
let's try this again
OK, here I am again, with a renewed commitment and energy toward this blog. We'll see how long it lasts this time! Here's a bit of some catching up:
So, since the last post, I was laid off, had a baby, and have been staying at home with my girls. Ivy was born Dec. 30th of last year ('08) pretty much according to plan. I had a few complications (mostly with my incision, since it was a scheduled c-section) but she came out ready for the boobs and stole our hearts immediately. It was a big, huge, monumental adjustment going from a family of 3 to a family of 4. Way bigger than I had ever dreamed. It's still tough, but now feels normal. It's just such a strange thing to say to your first born, "Look what's coming home with us to change EVERYTHING."
After Cedar was born, I suffered from some post-partum depression, but didn't know it at the time. It happened again, and since I knew it might be coming, was a lot more prepared and willing to ask for help (ie DRUGS) this time. I've been on several meds, starting with Lexapro, then Prozac, Wellbutrin, and now Prestiq. The crazy (pun intended) thing about anti-depressants is how you have to play around with them to see what works for you. I thought the Prozac/Wellbutrin cocktail was fabulous for a few weeks, but then noticed all of these wacko side effects (I had 21 bruises on my right leg alone, had ringing in my ears, blurred vision, aching joints, HOT FLASHES--I am SOOOOOO not excited for menopause, etc.) so switched it up again. I've been on the Prestiq now going on 3 weeks, and it seems pretty good so far. I may talk to the doc about upping the dosage... still giving it a whirl.
What else? Oh, the lay off. The glorious lay off! OK, no, it is never fun to be laid off, but the timing could not have been better. Truth be told, I was really unhappy there, and wasn't sure what I was going to do after my maternity leave ANYHOW. So, when I was told they were eliminating my position, I was bizarrely thrilled. I was able to still get my paid maternity leave (through short-term disability, which I paid for) and then collect unemployment when that ran out. So, that's where I'm at. It's a bit scary, I won't lie, but I am just so thankful to be able to be at home with my girls AND to be getting a paycheck. I never thought I would be able to do this, and it's been pretty great. That said, it DID suck to be the first person ever laid off from Summit, but I am keeping in touch with the people who mattered to me there.
In other news, my kitty Gloria is pretty dang sick. I'm having to syringe feed her, as well as give her a lot of different meds each day. It's not good. It's taking its toll on all of us (emotionally AND financially). Trying to keep positive and think good thoughts.
Randomness--Cedar's favorite snack of the last few days is red kidney beans out of the can. Recipe: open can, rinse beans, put in bowl. DO NOT HEAT, UNDER PENALTY OF CEDAR. She'll eat them cold, but prefers them room temp. She also really likes plain, cold white rice.
I never knew I'd be raising a kid who likes prison food.
And Ivy will NOT eat mush!
So, since the last post, I was laid off, had a baby, and have been staying at home with my girls. Ivy was born Dec. 30th of last year ('08) pretty much according to plan. I had a few complications (mostly with my incision, since it was a scheduled c-section) but she came out ready for the boobs and stole our hearts immediately. It was a big, huge, monumental adjustment going from a family of 3 to a family of 4. Way bigger than I had ever dreamed. It's still tough, but now feels normal. It's just such a strange thing to say to your first born, "Look what's coming home with us to change EVERYTHING."
After Cedar was born, I suffered from some post-partum depression, but didn't know it at the time. It happened again, and since I knew it might be coming, was a lot more prepared and willing to ask for help (ie DRUGS) this time. I've been on several meds, starting with Lexapro, then Prozac, Wellbutrin, and now Prestiq. The crazy (pun intended) thing about anti-depressants is how you have to play around with them to see what works for you. I thought the Prozac/Wellbutrin cocktail was fabulous for a few weeks, but then noticed all of these wacko side effects (I had 21 bruises on my right leg alone, had ringing in my ears, blurred vision, aching joints, HOT FLASHES--I am SOOOOOO not excited for menopause, etc.) so switched it up again. I've been on the Prestiq now going on 3 weeks, and it seems pretty good so far. I may talk to the doc about upping the dosage... still giving it a whirl.
What else? Oh, the lay off. The glorious lay off! OK, no, it is never fun to be laid off, but the timing could not have been better. Truth be told, I was really unhappy there, and wasn't sure what I was going to do after my maternity leave ANYHOW. So, when I was told they were eliminating my position, I was bizarrely thrilled. I was able to still get my paid maternity leave (through short-term disability, which I paid for) and then collect unemployment when that ran out. So, that's where I'm at. It's a bit scary, I won't lie, but I am just so thankful to be able to be at home with my girls AND to be getting a paycheck. I never thought I would be able to do this, and it's been pretty great. That said, it DID suck to be the first person ever laid off from Summit, but I am keeping in touch with the people who mattered to me there.
In other news, my kitty Gloria is pretty dang sick. I'm having to syringe feed her, as well as give her a lot of different meds each day. It's not good. It's taking its toll on all of us (emotionally AND financially). Trying to keep positive and think good thoughts.
Randomness--Cedar's favorite snack of the last few days is red kidney beans out of the can. Recipe: open can, rinse beans, put in bowl. DO NOT HEAT, UNDER PENALTY OF CEDAR. She'll eat them cold, but prefers them room temp. She also really likes plain, cold white rice.
I never knew I'd be raising a kid who likes prison food.
And Ivy will NOT eat mush!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
